Cat Got Your Heart? (Levi x Eren)
by LevixEren69
Summary: When Eren wanders into the woods he gets more than he bargained for in the shape of a mysterious stranger.
1. Nya

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Eren. He had the finest child bearing hips the kingdom had ever seen and everyone wanted him for their own. Eren, who was an oblivious fool when it came to his admirers, enjoyed the attention he was given every day. His best friends Armin and Mikasa always fought over which one of them got to do Eren's chores for him, because the large goofy smile he made as he thanked them was addictive. Even Eren's neighbor Marco and his peculiar two-legged talking horse Jean couldn't resist greeting him with a smile each day. Although the horse and Eren always seemed to get on each other's nerves, and after pleasant introductions they would proceed to yell and insult each other. Other than the stupid horse everyone was incredibly kind to Eren, but Eren always felt rather lonely. The kinder the people around him were the lest he felt like he belonged. Eren felt like a burden on his friends and what people had done to gain his favor only led him to believe he was useless and should leave. So, one day Eren decided to go into the woods by himself to see if anyone would even notice his disappearance. Eren quickly became lost and promptly sat down and began to cry. Out of nowhere a low voice grumbled out "Shut up brat! You're too loud." Eren wiped away his tears and called out to the voice. "H-hello? Can you help me? I am lost and all alone." As Eren spoke a short muscular man emerged from the shadows. "Stupid, you shouldn't tell a stranger you are lost and alone." He spoke in a low calm voice. Eren stared at the man and his eyes went wide as he realized that the person before him was no ordinary man. "Y-you're a wolf!" Eren's voice shook with fear. "Tsk. Nooo I just though all humans had ears and a tail." The man uttered, his voice dripping with sarcasm. The man then proceeded to reach into his pocket and pulled out a small bag. "What's that?" Eren asked, his natural curiosity causing him to inch closer. "Curiosity killed the cat you know." The man stated and then smirked "Do you really want to know?" Eren nodded his head in response. The man then carefully unwrapped the bag and then reached oven and dumped its contents onto Eren's head. "Ahh! What the hell? Is this glitter?" Eren shouted. The man stared at Eren with a look of surprise on his face. It was the first time the man had shown any expression besides annoyance. "Hmm. That was not what was supposed to happen." The man said, as a slightly amused expression suddenly blossomed on his face. Eren ran over to a small pond that was conveniently located a few feet away, and gasped at his reflection. Eren looked back at the man with tears forming in his eyes. "You turned me into a neko! Now everyone is going to think I am a weirdo!" Eren sobbed. The man swiftly walked over and licked the tears off Eren's face. "Name's Levi and from now on you're my bitch." Levi said calmly and he rubbed Eren's new silky ears. "Really?" Eren smiled. "My Name is Eren and all I have ever wanted was to be dominated. Will you be my master nya?" neko Eren purred. "Sure thing kitten. Now how about we go make ourselves some tiny servants." Levi hefted Eren over his shoulder and walked into his cave, which was conveniently only ten feet away. "Tiny Servants?" Eren questioned. "I'm talking about babies Eren. I want at least twelve." Levi stated. "Of course," Eren Replied reaching down and touching his own hips. "I do have the best child bearing hips in the kingdom." Levi kissed Eren passionately. "I know. Its why I fell in love with you after all." Levi growled in Eren's ear. Everyone in town had cried after Eren, having been missing for seven hours, came back pregnant. Armin was especially heartbroken due to the fact that he had been in love with Eren and had been planning Mikasa's murder so he would be able to spend more one on one time with Eren. Mikasa was not very thrilled either, but her new boyfriend Connie persuaded her it was for the best. The couple then lived a relatively happy life after that with their thirty-seven children and counting in their lovely cave mansion. All of their children were little wolf Neko babies and Levi and Eren were very proud and they lived happily ever after until… "By the way Eren, I'm a Demon wolf and you are a blessed neko." Levi said nonchalantly. "Uuah! That means our children are blessed demon wolf nekos!" Eren shouted and then passed out from excitement and confusion.


	2. Memoir of a Blond Coconut

Pain. Armin could hardly bear to look at the person who had once been his best friend. Secretly Armin had always loved Eren and had been carefully ensuring that Eren would remain untainted by the touch of another. Yet, all it took was one day of passion to destroy his years of hard work. Eren had always belonged to Armin, and yet here stood a short little mutt claiming Eren as his own. This unacceptable man, who introduced himself as Levi (ugh even his name is disgusting), was touching his property! Especially when Armin had been soooo close to achieving his goal. Mikasa, the largest obstacle on his path to dominating Eren, had recently gotten a boyfriend to try and make Eren jealous. Strangely enough the peculiar combination of Mikasa and Connie actually worked rather well. Mikasa was quiet and stern, whereas Connie was loud and light hearted. It truly was a matched made in heaven. It also knocked out Armin's greatest competitor for Eren's affections (until the mutt). Armin had been fully prepared to "get rid" of Mikasa if her bond with Eren had ever gotten too strong. Thankfully it had not come to that, after all Armin was rather fond of the straight-faced girl and It would be a shame to brake that cold facade with overwhelming pain. Ahh on second thought, that would be an exceptionally pleasant experience, for him at least. Levi pulled Eren's face against his and kissed him passionately and Armin's mind stopped pondering the past and began pondering the best way to make Levi's death look like an accident. Armin felt a burst of rage as the urge to destroy the man in front of him almost grew too strong to control. "Calm yourself Armin. Eren will never love you if you kill his boyfriend in front of him" Armin whispered to himself. Eren walked happily over to Armin. "Wow Armin can you believe I actually found myself a man! I always thought I would end up having to marry you, but we both know you are not enough of a sadist to satisfy my natural masochistic tendencies. Besides we are both bottoms Lol." Eren Chittered happily. Armin was screaming internally about how wrong Eren was about everything other that the he should have married Armin, but all he said was "Wow really?" and giggled quietly. All of the sudden he heard a loud low voice call out "Levi? Levi is that you?" Levi instantly looked disgusted (or did he it is hard to tell). A hulking mass of a man swaggered over. Armin would have considered him fairly attractive, if it hadn't been for the fact that the man had two baby eagles glued to his face. "I see you still have the brows, you pedophile" Levi grumbled, puling Eren closer. OMG those are his eyebrows? Armin panicked internally wondering about how those brows were even physically possible. "I am not a pedophile!" he turned and his eyes widened as he saw Armin and he knelt down on one knee. "oh, and would you give me the pleasure of becoming my bride you beautiful fallen angel?" "Wat?" Armin asked dumfounded. "OMG OMG OMG! Armin, you need to say yes! We could have our wedding on the same day, and our kids will be the same age, and we can spend the rest of our lives together!" Eren squealed. "ok" Armin said still in a daze because of the idea of spending the rest of his life together with Eren. Suddenly the tall Stanger was kissing Armin and wasn't strong enough to push him away (man this guy is strong). When the stranger finally released him, he said "My name, you d3elicious little morsel, is Erwin. We have also now entered into an unbreakable agreement, because I have a curse on me that the person I ask to marry me cannot say no or they will die. That does not matter though because we are both in love! I never believed in love at first sight until I met you and in that moment, I decide the idea of parting from you would destroy me. So, I made the obvious choice, I chose to bind our lives with holy matrimony." Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiit! Armin said internally, with Eren's squeals of excitement in the background.


	3. Crouching Wolf, Hidden Coconut

"OMG Levi, I can't believe Armin is getting married! We totally have to have our weddings on the same day." Eren was completely ecstatic for the event of his best friend's wedding. Levi rolled his eyes and swaggered over to his luxurious neko-neko boyfriend and wrapped his slender arm around his waist. Eren felt a blush run across his fac. "B-babe…" Eren blushed, loving Levi's muscled hands grasping his child-bearing hips. "Yes, my sugar plum?" Levi asked with a husky growl. "No Levi! I am pregnant and I don't want to be playful right now!" Levi grasped his hips tighter. "Fine," he said, "But after our child is born, I'm taking you as if we have never had hot steamy sex before." Eren felt himself giggle at Levi's words, but what the two love birds did not see was in a figure peering over a bush in the distance. Armin was glaring at the scene with an expression filled with loathing. He sneered in disgust as he saw Levi continue to tease Eren. Then Mikasa and Connie strutted along hand in hand over to Levi and Eren. "Yo, my super-hot bara GF and I are gonna go on a hot date. Wanna tag along?" Connie announced proudly. Eren clapped his hands, "Yes, we would love to!" Levi kept his muscled arm around Eren protectively and glared at Mikasa and Connie. "LOL, okay. Connie chill the Fuck out." Mikasa stated apathetically and kissed Connie's Japanese baseball player haircut. "Why did she just say LOL?" Levi asked Eren in a whisper. "Believe it or not Mikasa has always had problems showing her emotions so now she uses abbreviations and phrases to help people out and it has worked wonders. Although, I don't really understand how someone couldn't hear the excitement in that sentence though." Eren whispered back. "Ok then." Levi mumbled still confused by how that solution would be very effective. Eren and Levi followed the #2 OTP to the nearby park. Armin had to leave his hiding spot when he heard his fiancé calling him. Armin was pretty sure that man could track him by scent alone. The food was served and Eren dug into it right away. Levi grinned at his cute, sexy, rage filled mate. Eren was a gentle little boy at the ripe old age of 15 and did not know that Levi was actually like 35. Since Levi was a demonic wolf he didn't really age and thinking about their age difference too much creeped him out so he decided to never bring it up. Connie whipped out his little bento box filled with Suntucky Fried Chicken. Mikasa pulled out her favorite food that came from Taco Bell, because she loved how it tortured her stomach. As Eren finished his Dorito taco, he suddenly felt a pain in his stomach. Was it the Taco Bell? No, it was something far worse than taco hell. He was about to give labor to their child. "Levi I'm about to give labor." Eren shouted. Levi saw his beauty in a hell-like pain state and laid him down. "Eren, you my sugar plum are about to give birth. Labor is a noun whereas in the sentence you used you needed a verb." Levi informed Eren. "Levi, is it really the time dude?" Connie asked. "Of course it is Eren is about to give birth he needs to know the proper grammar to do it." Levi yelled back. "OMG frowny face, screaming face. Levi is currently panicking. Winking face, don't worry I will find help. Smiling face, Eren don't be sacred I will be right back." Mikasa calmly explained and waited for Eren's response. Eren Whined and scratched at the ground. Suddenly, the desperate Gucci coconut Armin escaped from the depths of the forest covered in camouflage and sprinted towards Eren. Mikasa used her super strength to lift Eren with one hand and her precious Connie with the other and carried them back to her and Connie's massive and expensive mansion. Mikasa had purchased it after she accidently created a thriving quiche business. Neither Mikasa or Connie knew what a quiche was, but apparently Mikasa has created the best recipe for them the world had ever known. The mansion even had a statue of Mikasa and Connie kissing in front of it. They put Eren on the couch and removed his clothes. The pain began as Eren gave birth to their little boy-wolf-thing. When it was all over Eren lay there exhausted clutching a small baby that looked exactly like Levi in Every way, and Levi crouched protectively over his small family. "His name should be Armin Junior." Armin said while he was internally disgusted by how similarly the baby looked like Levi, his Emo hair and eyes, the kid even had Levi's vampire-like skin. "No, his name shall be Levi Junior, cause he is just like his daddy!" Eren purred and Levi fawned over the two of them. "Heart eyes face, gasping face. Eren he is adorable I would consume his flesh if I could." Mikasa said in a monotone voice. Levi whipped around and glared at her. "Babe I think you meant you could just eat Levi Jr. up he is so adorable, right?" Connie asked sensing Levi's obvious unease. Mikasa nodded in response and Levi relaxed slightly and slapped away Armin's hand that had been slowly edging closer to Levi Junior. From outside the window, a pair of bushy eyebrows peered inside the house…


	4. Dilemmas of a Teenage Coconut

As Armin left Mikasa and Connie's love nest mansion, disappointed that Eren's luxurious bod never became his, he kept his eyes lowered to the ground.

He just couldn't take this! Some good-for-nothing wolf was touching his Eren! He had to stop this. This could not continue. He would not allow it to continue.

Suddenly He felt a pair of big muscular arms wrap around him and pull him into the woods. Armin let out a scream and shook in fear, until he that it was his fiancé Erwin. He then screamed louder and tried to run away.

"Calm down my gorgeous, delicious, coconut. Tis I your Beloved studmuffin Erwin!" he greeted with a purr.

Armin groaned a bit to himself. Only a little tiny bit he thought proudly. "Hello Erwin." Armin responded. Erwin twirled him around and pinned his delicate, fragile body to a tree.

"I have been pondering a topic for some time now. I believe we should rear spawns of our own as well. Six or seven should be sufficient. After all, we need to show off to Levi and Eren and show them who the #1 best ship really is!"

Armin's eyes widened and he looked at Erwin's rather excited expression (which made his eyebrows look 100% bigger than usual and Armin once again wondered how they were physically possible.)

"…Maybe, I'll think about it." Armin Finally said, pushing himself away from Erwin. "now if you will excuse me, I need to get home." Armin said as he walked quickly away from the pathetic man he had somehow ended up engaged to.

Armin walked past the gate of his friends' mansion. He had so much to plan he thought as he walked home. When he arrived at his house he went straight to his bedroom and sat at his desk. Armin has several books stacked neatly on the desk, but one book was separated from the others. The book was entitled "How to Kill a Wolf".

He had heard before that only a silver bullet could kill a wolf, but Armin was broke AF and couldn't afford such a weapon. He spent about 4 hours planning how he would kill Levi, but after making a difficult decision he decided he was going to try them all.

Exhausted he brought his sweet anaconda ass to his bed and fell asleep.

Outside a figure placed itself on the branch by the window. The figure lifted an expensive camera and took some pictures of sweet little Armin. The figure's big thick eyebrows furrowed as a nasty smirk grew across his face. "That sweet Little ass is mine!" the figure chuckled to itself.

Armin got dressed the next morning and headed out to accomplish his evil schemes. But after five minutes of walking, the buff, sexy, bushy browed man, Erwin, came skipping happily over to his Gucci fiancé.

"Hello, my gorgeous angel, you look as beautiful as ever. Your beauty reminds me of fine ripe coconut. You like the coconut are far too exotic and delicious to be from this drab place." Erwin complemented Armin, who rolled his eyes.

"Did you come over here for any reason other than to complement me?" Armin asked, not really interested in what the other man had to say. "I noticed I did not propose to you with an engagement ring. So, being like the richest man on the planet, I bought you a beautiful diamond ring for that pretty little finger of yours. Everyone will finally be able to see that my little god of beauty belongs only to me." Erwin explained happily as he slipped a huge diamond the size of Eren's new baby Levi junior's head.

Armin screamed internally wishing he could sucker punch the man in the face.

"Now my love, the radiance of the sun itself, the calm beauty of the moon, we will be wed tomorrow. I cannot stand to be apart from you another day and I know that you feel the same way. Go home and rest we have a big day tomorrow. I can't wait to see you in that wedding dress so I can rip it off and make heavenly little Armins." Erwin said lost to the fantasies about what was to happen the next day.

Armin screamed internally again and whispered, "kill me now" once he was out of Erwin's earshot.


End file.
